This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write…
I think we both knew it would end this way seeing as how you stole me away from my last mistress, around this same time last year, who had previously stolen me away from the prior mistress who stole me away from my wife. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you have been my favorite since I started this love affair back in 2007.
You let me record our most amazing and tantalizing moments and let me put them on YouTube. God, so many videos of me just unloading all over some guys face, it was magical in slow motion. Most would not let me record it, let alone show it to my friends online, but that is one of the reasons you’re my favorite. You also took out kill streaks earning kill streaks and you made n00btubes not as over used and over powered as some those other dirty sluts did in the past. You were all about balance and finesse, sure your matchmaking and spawning was a little screwed up when we first got together but you saw someone about it and haven’t had a flare up in months.
You were also the first one I wanted to please; I showered you with levels of prestige not seen with anyone before. We did 15 times, HAWT. You offered me something with prestige that none of the others did, you made it about me and what I wanted, the others just wanted me to grind on them till it was over but you, oh you let me put it where ever I wanted, whether it was unlocking guns or perks, it was up to me how we got down. That meant a lot to me and I hoped it showed by how good my stats were with you. I have 2.50+ kill to death ratio and a 6.0+ win to loss ratio, I put 700+ hours into you, that’s more than any of the others put together. Lets not for get all the gold I bought you, $50k for every golden gun. I know you’ll say “it’s not about the gold” but that didn’t stop you from flaunting them every Friday night to make n00bs jealous and angry. Speaking of dead n00bs, I killed nearly 80,000 of them for you and in HCTDM no less. If that doesn’t prove to you how much you meant then nothing will.
We both know that I am weak when I’m drinking so to avoid any drunken late night gaming sessions with you I am uninstalling you from my hard drive as well. Besides I think if the next one happens to go through my memory and see that I still have your information it could cause problems and I don’t want that, for either of us. It will be easier if I don’t have those pouty 6.3 gigs of sexy gaming goodness staring me in the face. Blops, you will be the one I measure all the others to, you are the benchmark and I will never forget you.
1337 Pwn3d H34rt,
P.S. – Don’t worry I won’t touch that whore BF3, I hear she has huge gaping maps that you can drive a tank down.