The Sights, Sounds and Smells of the Midnight Release

I would like to start off this article with a little background on me.  I dislike people.  I do not discriminate against anyone I just do not like to be around large groups of the unknown unwashed masses.  It makes me uncomfortable to be around other people who are oblivious to how they affect others.  In other words it is like being a single in a lobby full of the public’s in any on line shooter.  So as I stood there last night taking in all the loud, smelly, rude and oblivious people I wondered to myself why do I do it.  The answer could be as simple as I have time so why not.  But the truth is I like to watch the train wreck of humanity that is on display at midnight releases.  So while uncomfortable it may be here are my mental notes from the last two launches I attended.

Before I get to the Battlefield 3 midnight release at my local Gamestop let me regale you with a tale of a midnight release done wrong at my local Best Buy.  I decided on Best Buy to be my pre-order spot for Batman: Arkham City because I liked what they had to offer as a pack in bonus.  I arrived at the store at approximately 11:45pm and was greeted at the door by a hostess who handed me a free download card for some in game music I will never download.

I then get in line with the others.  I’m number 20 in a line that swells to 27 by midnight.  As I stand there taking it all in I find myself surrounded by at least one normal guy and about 25 twenty something slackers dressed to impress in their pajamas, skinny jeans and cigarette smoke infused hoodies.  That’s three things I can check off my sadness scavenger hunt card.

There are three what I believe to be competent looking employees manning the registers.  This is when I notice that the woman running the far register is dressed as Catwoman.  Now normally this would be a good thing right?  Not this night true believers (I know a Marvel reference and not DC).  This woman had no more business being in a one size fits all black unitard than I do.  I don’t think a pear shaped Catwoman is at all sexy or alluring.  Earthat Kitt she was not.

The night starts getting really fun when the three Gamestop employees finally figure out how to get their registers running it is 12:15am.  Two of these three seem to be running their registers with the precision of a wrecking ball.  Catwoman and the game department manager don’t have the first clue as to how they should be ringing people out.  The only saving grace on this rapidly sinking ship is the guy at the middle register who is ringing five to one versus his peers.

Speaking of sinking ships there were actually two guys in line that night that did not even buy the game there were there for the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.   Really?  You came to a midnight release for a  movie?

Luckily by the time it is finally my turn to step up I get the the one competent kid and get in and out of the register in under 5 minutes.  On my way out I cross paths with the one normal guy I previously mentioned.  This poor soul stepped up to the register a good 3 minutes before me and is still there as the game department manager struggles with the in and outs of the Best Buy POS system.  I want to offer some words of encouragement as I pass but the look of passionate displeasure in his eyes tells me he does not want to hear it.  So as I stroll out of the store it is closing in on 12:45.  Nice midnight launch Best Buy.  Maybe I will stop by again during the Modern Warfare 3 launch for a good laugh.

No back to the Battlefield 3 launch. While this one was bigger than the Batman launch at BB it ran 100 times smoother.  Check in, get in line and check out.  I was in and out in under 10 minutes once midnight hit.  Now while this is a testament to Gamestop’s efficiency it is not one to people around me.

The first thing I notice is the first four slackers in the line.  They have been there for some time as they brought not only folding chairs but a hooka pipe with them and have gone about fouling the air around the front door with a scent that can only be described as a mix of jasmine and lighter fluid.  Pretty sure all four of these pillars of the on line community have 420 in their gamer tag some where.

Once through the Jimmy Hendrix like haze of the front door I am greeted by the loud carnival barking of the guy to my right hocking some new kind of all natural energy drink made with honey.  Not sure who this new style of snake oil is aimed at but if you want to impress this crowd you should have brought a hot booth chick.  And not some uninformed yes girl that would have trouble selling sight to the blind.

I get my check in slip from the clerk and it’s back out to the cattle pen.  Tonight, I’m number 70 in line at 11:45pm.  I’m quickly surrounded by three chain smoking friends of the environment.  Even worse than all the smoke is the one village idiot in the group ahead of me that is working on his one man comedy off Broadway show.  I can only guess at the name but I assume it has the word asshat some where in the title   It’s at this point I realize that for my own sanity I need this venture into enemy territory to be over more sooner than later.

As the witching hour approaches so does the Gamestop employee handing out hour old pizza as a bribe to participate in a  survey on our receipt.  I respectfully decline his cold cardboard and pepperoni culinary delight.  As I have no intention of eating anything that may give me irritable bowel syndrome later this morning.

Finally midnight is upon us as we all head south toward the front doors like  good cattle.  Head down and shuffling in silence.  The blessed silence is broken by the first hooka smoking boob as he departs the store screaming I’m number one.  Pretty sure the last time he uttered that phrase was when he won the STD lottery at the local free clinic.

As I pull up to the counter and get my copy of BF3 I am reminded of all the great people I have on my friends list that are waiting on line to play this highly anticipated game.  And I am thankful for everyone of you.  For you are everything these other people are not.  And that my GOXMG friends is a good thing.